Should you be hopeful on your infertility journey?

This past week, these opposing perspectives came up with two of my clients:

"I am so scared that if I let myself be hopeful, I will get crushed if this cycle doesn't work."

                                                        AND

"I feel like such a fool because I was so hopeful and believed this was our time, and I don't know how to move forward from here. "

It made me question hope and if it is a good or bad thing during infertility. But I soon realized underlying both of these comments is the attempt to control the outcome and avoid getting hurt. 

But unfortunately, uncertainty and pain are inevitable in life: most certainly during infertility. 

Therefore, you can ask fear and hope to hold hands existing together while you wait.

Being hopeful is not a declaration that you are no longer worried about the outcome.

On the contrary, you bravely choose an emotion that lends itself to vulnerability since you can't know the result. 

You can lean into the small wins along the way, such as your lining being perfect this cycle when it prevented you from moving forward last time, your optimism for this cycle because of all the self-work you have done, or your healthy embryos. 

By embracing the wins that are happening right now, you are not negating how devasted you will be if it doesn't work. 

That is true whether you choose hope or not. Nor are you negating any pain you have endured on this journey thus far. Instead, you are making a conscious choice to enjoy the parts of the journey that lend themselves to positivity and to live life through adversity, understanding that pain is inevitable.

By choosing hope, you are trusting that one day, you will be able to connect the dots in your life.

As Steve Jobs said in his commencement speech at Stanford in 2005, "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future." 

So, when you are afraid to lean into hope or faced with a challenge, say this mantra to yourself, "I'm connecting the dots." 

Ask yourself, "How will my life be different if I choose hope?" 

In my opinion, your life will be filled with serendipitous moments that come and go, bringing you a sense of comfort and love on your journey. Maybe the sole purpose was to provide support and encouragement in a direction you would never have chosen. The meaning behind these moments is irrelevant since you are too close to see. But, eventually, the millions of dots will connect, inflicting pain, joy, uncertainty, happiness, fear, and all of the beautifully complex human emotions that make up this world called life.

The way I see it, by choosing hope, you are choosing to live.

Wishing you all the hope on your fertility journey. ❤️

XO Ceire