5 Tips for Navigating Infertility During the Holidays
The holidays are around the corner and another reminder of what you desperately desire and still don't have. This time last year, you swore you would be pregnant or holding your baby in your arms. So here you are, another timestamp of when you thought you would have your family and watch while other family members move forward with their lives and you feel left behind. It is also a time when people tend to make insensitive comments, leaving you feeling even more isolated and misunderstood. So this holiday season, I have put together a list of tips to help you navigate these normal emotions surrounding infertility & the holidays. The most important thing to remember is that you are not a bad person if you don't feel everyone else's excitement for the holidays or are anxious about seeing family. You are human and going through a tough experience that many people don't understand, making it even harder. So, please, be kind to yourself.
Be intentional; you are in control:
The infamous question that family members will inevitably ask you is, “When are you guys going to have kids”?! or “When are you going to give your kid a sibling!?”
Have a response ready beforehand. You have the power to decide if you want to brush it off, be snarky, be direct, educate the person about what you are going through, or give a polite response. But the most important thing to remember is that YOU are in control. Decide how you would like to respond before the party so that you aren’t reactionary. This will help you stay calm and centered when asked this question so you can move on to enjoying yourself.
Set boundaries:
If you know that your in-laws, mom, cousin, or fill-in-the-blank will ask you about what is going on with your baby-making status, consider sending them a text the night before with an “update” so that you don’t have to talk about it on the holiday. Something short and direct like, “I’m still not pregnant, but I don’t want to talk about it at the party. If I want to discuss it, I will bring it up with you.” Please also give yourself permission to say no to holiday invites that don’t excite you. You have nothing to feel guilty about; you are going through a really hard time right now and deserve to put yourself first and remove yourself from triggering situations.
Make time for yourself:
Even though it’s a holiday, you still need to take care of your mental health and do things that make you feel your best. So, make sure to choose a self-help method, whether that is going for a run or walk, listening to a podcast, reading a book, taking a long hot shower, meditation, or journaling; make time for it, so you set yourself up for success and get in the right mindset.
4. Honor yourself & your feelings (treat yourself as you would your BFF):
Instead of brushing away your feelings and telling yourself, “It’s not that bad,” give yourself a moment to acknowledge how much it sucks. Take time to journal your emotions, have a good cry, or leave the family party early, whatever works best for you. Have self-compassion and talk to yourself kindly. This holiday is another benchmark of when you thought you would be pregnant and a reminder of what you don’t have and want so desperately. This is not easy or fair. But you are strong and resilient and will come out better for it. Your family is around the corner, and you must remind yourself.
5. Remember progress over perfection:
During the holiday, try not to focus so much on what you should or shouldn’t be doing, and allow yourself to “be bad” with the restrictions your infertility journey has created. Today can be the twenty percent of the 80/20 rule. By giving yourself permission, you won’t beat yourself up after and can start back up when the holidays are over. Being bad doesn’t have to mean drinking a glass of wine or having sweets (although I hope you do!); it can also mean leaving the party early if you’re tired or saying “no” to black Friday shopping the next day with your cousin who’s pregnant.
This season of infertility is hard, especially during the holiday season. But you are amazing, you are enough, and you are not alone. Remember, even though it may feel like it, infertility is not perennial. Sending you so much love.❤
