My Fertility struggles were not over.
My infertility struggles didn’t end after the birth of my twin girls and son. As the youngest of four I always wanted four kids, and so somehow, I found myself right back where I was when I first wanted a family. I say this with sincere compassion and empathy, knowing how it feels to be willing to do anything for just one child. For two years, I let the desire for a fourth baby interfere with the joy I had for my kids and take over my life. But this time around, my husband was not on board with using ART (assistive reproductive technology) and if I’m being honest, he was not really on board with a fourth baby either. We argued about having another child and I was constantly trying to take on more with the kids so I could convince him to agree to another baby, which just ended up making me resentful.
When my husband got a new job, we were fortunate enough that I could stay home with the kids. I was ready to make this paradigm shift and excited to be home with the kids more. Yet, I would be lying if I didn't admit that in the back of my mind; I was also hoping it would help convince my husband we could handle a fourth child. When he eventually agreed to the possibility, I changed my diet to vegan, tried every fertility smoothie out there, started taking my basal body temperature and followed the FAM method to track ovulation (fertility awareness method). I became obsessive over a fourth baby, allowing it to influence all aspects of my life. I became so polarized by this desire for a fourth baby that I couldn't appreciate my beautiful family in front of me. Why was I so set on another baby? Why was I always looking forward with the mindset of, "I'll be happy when I have my fourth baby?"
This aspect of my fertility journey led me to my passion for exploring fertility coaching and ultimately signing up for the Institute of Integrative Nutrition (IIN), which taught me so much about living a holistic and fulfilling life. It led to self-discovery and resolve, helping me identify my belief system and why I was so fixated on a fourth baby and holding on to my childhood dream of four kids. I finally changed the narrative I was telling myself and was able to enjoy the present moment and my beautiful family.
I once heard that challenges are a gift because they force us to look at our lives differently and make changes that we wouldn’t have made otherwise, leading us to our individual paths. I believe I have found my purpose and passion to help other women unlearn the traditional way of starting a family, own their unique stories, and become empowered to take the next best step for them in their individual journey to motherhood.
My family-building experience helped me discover my purpose in life and pushed me towards my passion for helping women use their voices and spread awareness about infertility. It is a disease that can cause so much sadness, loneliness, and anxiety. However, once we realize we aren't so alone and other people are experiencing these feelings, we can feel empowered to tell our stories even as they are still unfolding. We don't always get the ending we thought or dreamed of, and it may take much longer and be harder than we ever imagined. But if we trust ourselves and do the next best thing at the moment, I believe we will discover our strength and resilience are greater than we ever could have imagined.
Infertility is tough, but so are you❤
Are you struggling with secondary infertility? Do you and your spouse have a different idea about the “perfect family”? Are you struggling with having your first baby? Or are you just starting to explore the idea of starting a family?
Share your story below. Let’s empower each other on our unique family-building journeys.
