A letter to myself before Infertility…

Dear me before infertility,

Since childhood, you will have a dream of having four kids, and you will tie this dream to your happiness. You will learn that you are wrong about what you thought you needed.

When you are ready to start a family, you'll think it will happen right away but soon realize that is not the case. The lessons you learn through infertility will lay the groundwork for other adversities in your life.

You'll witness your sisters go through multiple miscarriages and experience secondary infertility, and you'll realize that building a family requires strength, vulnerability, and perseverance. 

You'll be curious about your fertility health and will be diagnosed with unexplained infertility. You will learn that effort doesn't always equal results, and we don't always get answers. You will experience a range of emotions of grief, desperation, isolation, and shame and learn that, in the end, hope is what allows you to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward.

You will learn that life is not fair. You will realize that accepting yourself and your story is the key to releasing judgment and the path to self-love and belonging.

You will learn that lying about doing IVF is like living with a dark shadow that constantly follows you around, keeping you from being whole. Sharing your story will open you up to a world of human connection and compassion more than you ever could have imagined.  

Infertility will help you discover the real version of yourself, your values, and the qualities that are important to you.

So, I guess I am trying to tell you this: be open to your dreams changing, understand that infertility is not your fault and you are no less of a woman, and lastly, you are not alone. 

Love Ceire