10 Tips to Handle Pregnancy Announcements During Infertility
I recently received a message through Instagram that said, "Why is it getting harder for me to handle pregnancy announcements and not easier? I've had so many over the year that I think it would be easier to digest. But for some reason, it feels worse."
My initial response was to scream out loud, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! But instead, I gave her a long heartfelt response, and days later, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I thought about how common this feeling is during infertility. It is such an isolating feeling that carries so much shame and guilt. It makes us feel yucky because we can't be happy for the other person and feel like something must be wrong with us.
So, I decided sharing tips to help navigate these complex feelings around pregnancy announcements might be helpful, which inspired this blog post. So, if anyone else is feeling this way, you are not alone, and I hope these tips help. Sending you so much love!
10 Tips for handling pregnancy announcements through infertility:
Acknowledge how hard this is for you. Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad. It's a normal human emotion to feel jealous and envious of someone getting what you want so desperately. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. It's not your fault! This is not a weakness; as humans, we are designed to feel jealous of someone who has what we want. It is a way to show you what you want. Use it as a compass as well.
Allow yourself to feel sad. Put on a sad movie and cry, or get in your car, sing, and bawl your eyes out. Take the time to be sad and show yourself love and compassion. Don't push the emotions away or tell yourself you shouldn't feel this way. What you resist persists. And if you don't deal with your feelings with this pregnancy announcement, it will get worse for the next, and the next, and so on.
Use Expressive writing. Journal your feelings. A study has shown that writing about your feelings and getting them down on paper has long-term health benefits and reduces stress. Getting your feelings down on paper is a great exercise to let them go. Holding in these feelings enables us to hold onto the shame and guilt. Shame dissipates when we share our stories, so write it down if you're not ready to talk to people about it.
Ask for help. Consider connecting with someone else going through or has been through infertility, whether it's a therapist, fertility coach, or a support group. Even if you aren't ready to talk about your emotions, listen to a virtual free support group with your camera off to hear the common feelings other infertility warriors are going through. I promise you will feel less isolated and more understood.
Consider a hiatus from social media to reduce your exposure to pregnancy announcements from colleagues or distant friends you follow. We are exposed to more announcements than normal because of social media. We can minimize this for ourselves and benefit our mental health. If you can't make this commitment, unfollow or mute people or organizations, such as fertility groups, that may trigger negative emotions. You can also set time limitations on the app to reduce online time.
Communicate with friends you know are also trying that you are having a hard time, and ask them to tell you first if they get pregnant so you don't have to learn through social media. You may also need to set boundaries around friends with young kids at this time if it is too hard for you to be around them or attend their kid's birthday parties. A true friend will understand. You need to put your mental health first. This too shall pass, but until it does, you need to prioritize yourself.
Make sure you get enough sleep. Sleep is the foundation for your body and mind, and if you aren't getting enough sleep, you aren't going to feel good, period. If you are having trouble sleeping, consider this free reveri sleep hypnosis app to help you sleep.
Take care of yourself. Explore self-care tools to discover which helps you get back to yourself: journaling, breath work, movement, reading, taking a course, organizing your closet or going through old clothes and donating, trying a new hobby, or binge-watching Netflix. Choose a method or a few that work best for you. Encourage yourself to try something new!
Remind yourself that one day, it will be your turn. One day, you will be able to say the words, finally!! This will help you get to the joyful part of celebrating with your friend/family/co-worker. Your friend getting pregnant doesn't take away your opportunity to start your family. There is room for both. You can be both emotions, happy and sad, and that is okay.
No one's life is perfect. Although it may look like everything is perfect when people announce their pregnancy, there is so much you don't know, especially through the lens of social media. While they may be pregnant, you don't know their whole story. They may also have struggled to get pregnant, or they may be struggling in other areas of their life. No one's life is perfect. Remind yourself of the gifts that you have in your life and the areas you are killing it in.
Sending you a big virtual hug if you struggle with guilt and shame around pregnancy announcements. You are NOT a bad person. You are doing the best you can in a Shi##y situation. Sending you so much love❤️
XO Ceire
Book here for a free consultation for help navigating the complex feelings of infertility.
